iDin't try to kill myself!
by TwinNumber1-Kaily
Summary: After an accident, Sam finds herself in a position she never thought she'll be. ""I didn't do it! I don't want to die!" "But you said that life hated you and you hated it back! Sam, it's gonna be ok, just admit it!" "But I didn't try to kill myself!""
1. Chapter 1

My head hurts; it hurts a lot.

That's all I can think of as I walk home from school. Rain falls from the sky as if God wanted to drown us all. I hope he doesn't though; that'll suck and my life is already suckish enough.

I see a car rushing down the street and that's all I can do before it sends a big wave of water towards me, leaving me even more soaked than I already was.

"Ugh, great!" all I do is groan (just cause there's nothing else I can do) and quickly resume walking, this time though, I have a different destination in mind.

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I finally arrive to Bushwell after having two more cars giving me a dirty, cold-watered shower. All I want now is to get into some warm, dry clothes then take an aspirin and finally go to sleep for 'til the next century (or at least 'til mom notices my absence and comes pick me up), so I quickly make my way to Carly's, trying my best to ignore Lewbert's yelling (or the way his screams seem to rip my brain in two).

"Hey Spence, is Carly home?"

"I'm right here" she says while coming down the stairs.

"Hey Carls, can I borrow some clothes? Seems like mine got a little wet in the hurricane going on outside"

"Sure, come to my room my clothes are in my closet"

"Really? I would've never guessed that one right!"

"Ha ha. Just let's go get you dry clothes before you get a cold or something" she says and I follow her up the stairs.

"That wouldn't be a surprise, seeing that the universe seems to have a thing against me" seriously, is there something I did terribly wrong and so I need to pay for it? Cause sometimes I think there is.

"Don't say that Sam, it's not true"

"Not true? Carly, have you ever looked at my life? Not just see it, but really look at it?" she would never say it's 'not true' if she just saw my life from my point of view. Ok, so maybe I'm exaggerating a little; my life's not that suckish… well, it actually isn't suckish at all, just a little different and difficult… but I'm soaking wet and that totally sucks!

"Whatever. Now let's see what I can give you… mmm, how 'bout this?" she said, showing me a pink sweater and some jeans, bringing me outa my thoughts.

"Pink? Gross! Don't you have something less disgusting?"

"How about I give you a penny-tee and some sweatpants?"

"Now you get me!"

"Here, now dress up and meet me in the iCarly studio; we're doing rehearsal today"

"What! No, no, no, please Carly, PLEASE don't make me do it!" dang it! I said that aloud, didn't i?

"Wa- hey relax. Sam? What's wrong Sam?" dang it, dang it DANG IT! I shouldn't have said that aloud! I should've just kept my mouth shut, dress up and then go rehearse for the show. But then I'll have to endure two or even three hours in the same room as him, and right now, feeling as suckish as I already was, that was the last thing I wanted to do.

"No-nothing, it's nothing I just… I'm really tired and… and my head hurts…" why does the truth sound so much like a lie?

"Oh sure. Come on Sam, I thought we said no more secrets. Is it about Freddie?" I look down at my shoe because it hurts so much when she says his name. Why does it hurt like this? Or break up was mutual! We both wanted it; no, that's not true, I didn't _want_ it, not really. But what's done it's done and there's no point crying over spilt milk.

Freddie's not milk though, and most of the nights I find myself crying over him. Just as I'm doing now. I feel one single tear rolling down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away before Carly can see it but it's of no use because she does see, and because right after the first one came a lot more.

"Oh God, Sam! Come here!" she holds me tight and I start sobbing. I don't wanna cry, I hate doing it, but apparently I can't stop doing it. "Ssh, it's ok Sam, it's gonna be ok"

"NO IT'S NOT!" I yell and break our embrace. "It's never gonna be ok Carly! I love him, I do! And he doesn't! he doesn't love me or else we would be back together by now! See? This just proves that what I said it's true! The universe really is against me, because if it weren't it wouldn't have given me the best thing in my life, the best feeling of my entire life, just to take it away soon after! Life hates me! But you know what? I hate it too!" no sooner had I stopped saying that, I ran away. I didn't even get to change out of my wet clothes, I could only think of getting away from the pain I was feeling.

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"Sammy? Is that you?" I hear my mom yell from the kitchen, but I don't yell back. I'm wet, cold and my eyes are probably red from all that crying; that's not the image I want her to have of me. I'm strong, strong and tough just like her, and I won't cry over a boy in front of her; not when she didn't cry over my father in front of me. So I just rush to my room and lock myself inside.

After about fifteen minutes of being in the hot bath I hear my mom knocking on my door, but I just ignore her and, eventually, she leaves saying that she'll be back in about two hours.

So I get out and dress up before going to her room and taking some of her sleeping pills, she told me to never drink one of those but I'm really tired and I'm sure I won't be able to sleep if I don't.

"Take one pill every 24 hours… mmm might be more effective if I drink three… no, four. I really need to sleep" I speak to myself, so I take the bottle and go to the kitchen, pour a glass of water and down the four pills in one take; the effect is immediate, but it's not like it reads in the label, I do not feel slightly tired, no, I feel like a whale is suddenly over my chest and it won't let me breathe. My sight starts to go and I feel myself falling to the side; I hear the bottle of pills fall to the floor, its content flying everywhere; and I hear the glass fall too and shatter as it hits the floor. Then I feel my head hit a hard surface and my arm falls over something sharp; pain hits me, but it quickly banishes as I lost consciousness.

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I hear a weird beeping sound, voices and… what's that? Mmm… could it be? Sobbing. That's what it is. As I recognize the sound I also feel a hand holding mine and then I hear it.

"Sammy, Sammy please don't go. Please honey stay with mama" what the hell is my mom saying? Where does she think I'm going? Wait… where am I? When the question reaches my mind I start to panic, because I can't open my eyes to check. I can't open them cause I don't know where they are! I try to open my mouth so I can ask the question, but I can't do that either. What's wrong with me?

The beeping sound increases and I both, hear and feel my mom moving closer to me.

"Sammy? Sammy are you awake?" I feel her hand on my head and it brushes the hair out of my eyes. There they are! As soon as I realize were my eyes are, they open as if in their own and I see my mom hovering over me.

"Mom?"

"Yes honey, it's me. Oh, thank god! Carly, please go tell the doctor she's awake" wait, Carly's here?

"Freddie already did, he rushed there as soon as her heart monitor shoed a change so the doctor shouldn't take so long" FREDDIE IS HERE? What is he doing here? Ok, now I know I'm in a hospital, that's pretty obvious, but why am I here? And most importantly, why is FREDDIE here?

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**Ok, so I wanted to make this longer, but right now is 01:40 am where I live and I'm falling asleep over my computer, so you'll just have to do with this for now :P**

**As my other stories, this is a dream of mine, but this time it is a little different because a friend of mine requested me to do this and when I fell asleep trying to come up with the perfect way to do so, this appeared in my dreams! **

**So I hope you liked it and, if you did (or didn't) please let me know by leaving me a review.**

**Should I continue writing it? Let me know!**

**Note: for those who read iSurprise, I have to say I'm really sorry for not updating in so long but don't worry, I'm not leaving the story and I'll do everything I can to update tomorrow (which is kinda like today 'cuz it's already 01:50 am) Sunday 23 to be exact. So, keep checking :) it'll be worth the wait, I hope.**

**REVIEW! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two**

**I'm sorry for taking so long; I don't really have any excuse so… why don't we go on with the story?**

**Disclaimer: I'm some kind of Dan Schneider's long-lost daughter so that makes me own iCarly right? No? Oh well then, I own nothing :`(**

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**Sam's POV **

**~the last chapter~**

_I hear a weird beeping sound, voices and… what's that? Mmm… could it be? Sobbing. That's what it is. As I recognize the sound I also feel a hand holding mine and then I hear it._

_"Sammy, Sammy please don't go. Please honey stay with mama" what the hell is my mom saying? Where does she think I'm going? Wait… where am I? When the question reaches my mind I start to panic, because I can't open my eyes to check. I can't open them cause I don't know where they are! I try to open my mouth so I can ask the question, but I can't do that either. What's wrong with me?_

_The beeping sound increases and I both, hear and feel my mom moving closer to me._

_"Sammy? Sammy are you awake?" I feel her hand on my head and it brushes the hair out of my eyes. There they are! As soon as I realize were my eyes are, they open as if in their own and I see my mom hovering over me._

_"Mom?"_

_"Yes honey, it's me. Oh, thank god! Carly, please go tell the doctor she's awake" wait, Carly's here?_

_"Freddie already did, he rushed there as soon as her heart monitor showed a change so the doctor shouldn't take so long" FREDDIE IS HERE? What is he doing here? Ok, now I know I'm in a hospital, that's pretty obvious, but why am I here? And most importantly, why is FREDDIE here?_

**~back to this one~**

"Freddie's here? Why is he here?" No Sam, you weren't supposed to say that! Bad girl!

"Well…" I was kinda expecting Carly to look at me with that little knowing smile of hers (since she knew I was still crazy for him) or mom to star mocking me for having a crush on a tech boy (she had actually done that before), but they didn't. Instead they looked at each other with worried faces like if they were thinking about what they were gonna say.

But of course, the doctor came in before I had time to ask 'em what the heck was wrong with them, not that his arrival would've stopped me, but my mom quickly rushed to his side and asked him a million questions I didn't even get to hear because, just a little while after the doctor had, Freddie entered the room too.

He seemed tense and, as he saw me on the bed, he froze. If I thought my mom's and Carly's behavior had been odd, well let's just say it seemed like nothing compared to Freddie's; as soon as he saw I was awake his face turned into a worried expression but, instead of bombarding me with questions, he turned and looked around the room like if he were looking for a way to escape. When he found none but the door, which was blocked by the doctor and my mom, he turned back to me.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"And… mmm… how're you doing?" he was struggling hard to avoid looking at me; not gonna say it didn't hurt, cause it did.

"Have been better" even though I'm not sure what happened to put me in the hospital, whatever it was gave me a massive stomachache to add-up to my headache. I'm actually starting to suspect that drinking all those pills was not a very good idea. "At least I did die"

I'd said that to point the good side of this but, by the look of his face, I could tell he didn't see it. And not just him, but my mom and Carly too; they gave me this weird looks, like a mixture of pain and anger; and even the doctor; looking at me with his face full of… pity.

Ok, what the hell's going on?

**Ok, I don't really know where to take this story, but I don't want to leave it since it had such a good response, so please help me out! Give me ideas, tell me what you'll like to read, how do you imagine the characters would react? **

**Please review and tell me so I can continue this! **

**Thanks, Kaily :)**


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